hug you right back!

if you've ever been to seoul, you'd know they operate in numbers. but if you havent, don't be surprised! common sights are huge groups of colleagues lumbering into restaurants, large extended families sleeping together at jijimbangs, or simply just friends jostling around on the streets. the thing about koreans is, they are rarely alone. and they don't expect you to be, either!

from discussing the korean notion of a family, to introducing the typical forms of addressing one another, this feature will attempt to explain why they can brush against you like hooligans on the metro platform, yet turn around to hug you the next moment!

the korean quirk: we are one big family :D

as with most developing/developed societies, the traditional notion of the family unit faces threat of disappearing, as its definition becomes narrower to only include the nuclear set of parents and their child(ren). long gone are the days of "three generations under one roof" and staying close to your extended families.

yet, the koreans have managed (till today, at least from what ive seen!) to defy modern developments in maintaining their traditional family customs, and abiding by the confucian rule of respecting your elders. not only do many families pay weekend visits to one another's places, it is also common for grandparents to go on trips with their kids/grandkids, or for the huge extended family to come together in discussion for wedding preparations for a niece or cousin. in the koreans' eyes, family includes everyone you're related to, from uncles to grandaunties to cousins, third removed. so just so u know, mess with one, and you're messing with the rest!

then, even today, koreans respect age simply for its number and the wisdom supposedly attached to years you've lived on earth, so its almost always the first two questions at the initial meeting for a korean to ask "how old are you?" not only is this meant to establish the way they should address you (discussed in the next quirk!), it is also to set the tone of conversation and the type of language one should use.

not just once, ive seen rude teens immediately change their attitude upon realising the person they were speaking to was their senior at school or an older individual (even if its only months) as compared to themselves. so entrenched is this "obey seniority" mentality that ive also come across university freshmen being scolded by 3rd, 4th year seniors for not bowing and acknowledging them along the corridors!

that said, the reverse is also applicable, where the elders always seek to set examples and protect their juniors at school and even at work settings. when help is sought, an elder is (almost) always required to provide without hesitation. also, it is a well-established notion that the oldest at a social gathering should always pay for the entire meal, so respect from your juniors come at a price!

the korean quirk: hey brothers and sisters!
if you've watched enough korean dramas, you'd find that many female leads can call a guy "oppa (brother)" then marry him in the next episode. well, it's not incest, if you're wondering! instead, its the korean's extremely unique way of addressing everyone else to indicate intimacy or to show respect.

as a quick lesson, ive drawn up a family tree to introduce the names:

grandfather: 할아버지 (ha-ra-boh-ji)
grandmother: 할머니(har-mo-ni)
father: 아버지 (ah-boh-ji)
mother: 어머니(oh-mo-ni)

siblings are a lil' confusing. so if you're a guy, you call your...
older brother: 형(hyung)
older sister: 누나(noona)

if you're a girl, you call your...
older brother: 오빠 (oppa)
older sister: 언니(orh-ni)

younger siblings are...
brother: 남동생(nam dong-seng)
sister:여동생(yoh dong-seng)

*note, english words are just to facilitate how you should pronounce them, and not official accurate translations

so, the above is necessary to know, because sometimes, people try to become closer friends faster by offering to call the other person "brother/sister" to show that they now view the other person as family. sometimes when you're shopping, it is also common for shopkeepers to call you, "orh-ni! (older sister)" (even if they're like twenty years older than you) but dont be offended! they're not trying to be rude, on the contrary, they're trying to be respectful!

another useful name to learn is 아줌마 (ahjumma). this is meant to address women who are married, but usually only used on middle-aged women: so if you're shopping or eating at a restaurant and need to call out to them, you can either call them older sister, or auntie (ahjumma)!

the korean quirk: they'll hug you right back then, some people are irritated when they first go to seoul, because it appears that koreans are rude and rough- they brush past you along corridors and seldom turn around to apologise. ive to admit, it gets some getting used to. but dont misunderstand- they don't realise they've been rude!

you see, koreans are so used to being affectionate with one another (i've had random grandmothers pat my arms to indicate the necessity for me to dress more warmly during winter) and its not strange at all for grown men to hug or hold hands after a drinking session. as such, ive since concluded that koreans grow up in an environment where personal space doesnt exist, and its completely alright for strangers to sit or stand real close to one another on the metro.

during cold wintry nights, people (everyone!) link arms on the streets, and its almost like a movie, cuz everyone's smiling and talking and hugging, even though its so freaking cold!

so ive also learnt to be less inhibited myself, and realised that love is best demonstrated!singaporen and mexican, snuggling tight, korean-style :)


the korean quirk: you can never be alone
from the waitress who'd offer you a free glass of drink just cuz you're dining alone (true story from my friend, fong who's currently working in seoul) to the homestay parents who insist you join their extended family discussion for an upcoming wedding (my personal experience!), you'll find yourself swept up and along into the whole korean hospitality, twirled around and about into a madwhirl of hugs and endearing names, until the dust finally settled and you were left wondering, "what just happened?!"

but don't worry, this is just the koreans' way of overthrowing the long-mistaken thought that asians are unaffectionate- instead, they'll call you brother/sister, then hug you right back!

and it's true; i've met so many koreans during my six months there, each one warm, friendly and unsuspecting. some i was introduced, others i chatted up cuz i was asking for directions, and its always the same- first they're shy about speaking english, but they soon open up realising you're genuine (so this is key!!!), and next thing you know, they're inviting you to their houses.

below are some of the koreans ive met along the way:

m.j. and her friends: fantastic peeps who brought me to see the bboys show, bought me drinks and dinner, then offered to celebrate my bdae!

fellow dongguk student whom i asked directions from:

soon we were hanging out for drinks, and she was offering her place to me when she found out i needed accomodation for my second sem.

random strangers at my fave cafe, who decided they wanted to take pics together!

fantastic girl who offered to bring me to murals at hyehwa when i stopped her on her walk in the parkand next moment, i was in her house, flipping through her photo albums and sharing her biscuits.

so stay open-minded, and speak to people. while i cant promise they're all safe, you'll be alright as long as you're not being crazy talking to dangerous people in dark alleys.

and don't worry if you're going to korea on your own, cuz you'll never be alone!